Here Come the Mummies

Over 5000 years ago, from the dry stretches of the not-so-fertile crescent wandered a nomadic, foul smelling people. A robust, well-endowed, and manly tribe, they were united through ancient rituals involving instruments capable of infinite fonkiness and overt sekshul innuendo. The Pharaoh, a mean mother (shutcho' mouth), hated the nomads and their ability to shred like a mofo all up in that biatch. But more than that, he hated the power of their righteous grooving to make drop the tunics of his… Show more five luscious teenage daughters.

One night, the Pharaoh found the nomads dressed as mummies and creating grooves in an effort to compromise the moral integrity of his five daughters. The angry Pharaoh cursed the nomads (already conveniently dressed as mummies) with a spell so vile, that seeing its name in print here would make your eyes melt and flow freely from their sockets. Already doomed, these nomads fled into the night, at last finding refuge in the abandoned caves of the Unleavened Jews. But when the sun rose the following morning, the Pharoah's curse had taken hold, and these were men no more.

For years, scholars of the ancient world wondered what became of this group. Theories citing the Mummies' involvement in historical events from the Siege of Troy to the sacking of Rome, the fall of Pompeii and the sinking of Atlantis were initially scoffed at and dismissed as parlor quackery. However, in 1922, at a dig in the desert south of Tunis, Professor Nigel Quentin Fontenelle Dumblucke IV unearthed the ruins of an ancient discotheque and found a dozen stank-ass fonky mummies still all up in the act of rockin' tha hizouse.

From these mummies, Professor Dumblucke learned of the powerful curse that doomed them to wander the earth throughout eternity, seeking the ultimate riff, the one that would allow these souls to finally rest after 5000 years of banging out solid fly grooves. To quote the Professor: "In their desperate quest for immortal peace, they rocked all the ancient empires of Earth on down to the grizound. They rocked Atlantis so hard, y'all, it ain't never been found".

And now they're coming to rock your town with a funk so strong, it's gonna make all the cats explode. Strap in.

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